Disclaimer: Nothing in here is the truth. It is a parody. If you read this, you read it at personal risk to your sanity and beliefs. No whining will be permitted. It was a group effort and it is presented as is. Imaginations were given the chance to wander, and so, the very first edition of the ‘Gossip Table’ was born. Apologies to Morgan and Wong, Fox and LucasFilms for messing around with their creations.

The Gossip Table: Space Wars: Above and Beyond (reality that is!)

- as seen through the slightly warped minds of The Firebirds-

In a coffee shop, in a galaxy far far away. The year is 1997, and the Firebirds are meeting to obsess, as usual. The topic of discussion: Col. McQueen’s lineage and how he eventually defeated Chiggy von Richtofen in "The Angriest Angel". The discussion was begun by a tip-off we received from Peregrine, our spy on the net. Apparently, there is a theory that McQueen might have used the Force to defeat CvR. And so, the speculation begins...

  • Samra pulls up a chair and calls for a coffee.
    Re: McQueen theories
    Cool theories. My money's on the first one. :)

  • Garuda perks up at the idea of some insider gossip.
    You mean he's a Jedi Knight too? Whatta man. ;P

  • Samra nibbles on a choc-chip cookie
    That's why he's so kewl. It's a little-known secret, rare in this part of the universe (a galaxy far, far away...). I think he must be a ninth-removed cousin of the Skywalker clan, on the maternal side, descended from a Jedi aunt. :-D

    Or else he must be related to Obi-Wan. :-) Yeah, maybe he's a ninth-removed cousin of the KENOBI clan...on the PATERNAL side...

  • Garuda finally drops the bombshell. The self-perpetuating one, not unlike Sewell Fuel.
    Hmm... with those blue eyes, I say that he's descended from the Skywalkers. But wasn't the Jedi aunt childless? Or am I thinking of the wrong Jedi aunt? :)

    Wouldn't it be such a coincidence? The name "Skywalker", and the fact that McQueen used to be a pilot...

  • Samra nearly chokes on her cookie in her excitement.
    Wow, good observation about the blue eyes! :) There actually was a Jedi aunt?! That was just off the top of my head!! :-D

  • Garuda sips her coffee, and tries to look nonchalant.
    Naw, just making it up. :) Hey! Tonight on TV2: The Angriest Angel. Watch McQueen use the Force! ;)

  • Samra is not taken in by that feigned nonchalant look.She looks around carefully and her voice drops.
    Oh, well, then in that case...childless? Childless?! My dear girl, haven't you heard?! There was her "acquaintance" with that ruffian from the Denubis family you know, that wheeler-dealer... everyone was talking...you know, they said she went away for awhile... ;-D

  • Garuda’s eyes light up
    No way. Really? The Denubis family? No wonder they hushed it up! <pulling chair closer> I heard he hooked up with some bimbo after an affair with a Jedi. I didn't know it was her though. Poor woman, she must have been crushed! No wonder she never married that nice young man of hers.

  • Samra lowers voice even further. The forgotten coffee is getting cold and the cookies are getting soft
    I see the pieces of the story fitting together now...poor ol' girl, what was her name again?! It must've been devastating to have that heartless libertine toss her aside for some emptyheaded sweet young thing. You don't think...you don't possibly think that that missing cruiser with the hyper-warp capabilities had something to do with possible Jedi offspring popping up near Earth territory now did it?!

  • Garuda decides that this juicy piece of gossip is too much to pass up. She calls for tea and fresh scones.
    Dear, dear. No one even remembers her name nowadays. But I heard she was a very good starfighter pilot. So is McQueen. Genetics, eh? All Skywalkers were good pilots, you know. <pouring more tea> Have a scone? If that missing cruiser did end up on Earth, it would explain a lot of things. McQueen may be generations removed, but he has the Skywalker eyes. A definite proof.

  • Peregrine swoops in from eavesdropping at the next table. Now, this was getting way too juicy.
    YOU GUYS!!!!! ;-D next thing you'll be telling me is that Jabba's just an overweight chig or something or that the millenuium falcon runs on sewell fuel! No!<shock....> you means its all true? the blue eyes , all of it?

  • Sparhawk decides to join in the fray. Sloshing her tea around in her cup and saucer, she leaps in with...
    Darth Vadar is a chig with a faulty helmet?

  • Peregrine puts forth her theory as the conversation steers slowly away from the unfortunate Jedi Aunt.
    Vader could be King Chig ! What did we say about chig coloration? maybe as they get older they get paler??

  • Goshawk strolls in with a passing remark.
    If Darth Vader is King Chig, then won't that make Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker a Chig too? Ughh! How can I go around telling people that my hero is Luke the Chig?

  • But Peregrine will not be quietened. She has an answer for everything!
    Moot point. Everyone knows the deep dark secret of the Skywalkers. we just thought it was the "darth=daddy anakin?" but it wasn't . the REAL deep dark secret was that he was a chig. Its obvious.look at the white putty texture of his skin. and the suiting. dead giveaway .

  • Sparhawk theorises, while attempting to mop up the spilt tea from the front of her shirt.
    What they didn't tell young Luke and Leia was that their daddy was actually killed by this chig who then felt so bad about it that he adopted them. So, Goshawk, your darling Luke is not a chig. Oh! but i don't think they told you either, huh? about the real secret about Luke and Leia? Why they are twins? No? Well, you see, they were born in a tank...

  • Garuda, the one with all the insider info, decides to put all speculation to rest. Crumbs scatter as she waves her scone around excitedly.
    No no no no.... you guys are mistaken. Actually, it's the Emperor who's a Chig, but he underwent a genetic "plastic surgery", so to speak. He had Vader's genes spliced with Chig genes in an attempt to create the perfect Dark Jedi, but it only resulted in Vader having to use a respirator, not to mention the ugly bleached-white skin, How can you say that McQueen is related to the Chigs?! ;)

  • Peregrine sips her coffee thoughtfully at the latest revelation.
    Oh you mean via the Luke link? Damn , there goes my theory

  • Sparhawk picks the crumbs off her person and grins
    Hm...i must have read your mind there, Garuda. about McQueen and all... ;-)

  • Samra returns with more scones, and draws the conversation back towards the Skywalker lineage.
    <nearly scalds hand with tea> A very good starfighter pilot, eh?! Tsk tsk. Such a waste that such a bright, promising girl like that could let herself go to ruin. And all over that irresponsible Denubis ruffian!! Perhaps though, the Skywalkers' loss has turned out to be Earth's gain - can you imagine a better pilot this side of the galaxy?! Speaking of promising young pilots though...do you suppose McQueen has any blue-eyed relatives skulking around out there?! My, my, this scone is really delicious. I must have the recipe.

  • Garuda, the well of information, whispers with furtive glances
    I had a friend do a little hacking, and guess what? All of his "siblings" became pilots, but he's the only one who survived the war. He is certainly strong in the Force, that's for sure. <lowering voice even more> I dug around a little more, and it seems that the family of his biological "mother" has a long history of aviators. What do you think of that? Unfortunately, he's the only surviving Skywalker kin this side of the galaxy! <the others gasp> It's true. <nodding wisely> That ex-wife of his, what's-her-name, was so stupid to let him go.

    Oh, and about that Jedi girl, I heard she disappeared one night and never returned. Do you think she tried to search for her child? Poor woman. <sigh> That Denubis slime should be flogged!

  • Samra is stunned for a moment. But not for long...
    Oh my, this is really sooo intriguing!!! I never would've guessed. <shakes head ruefully> What a sorry story, indeed. I finally see everything taking shape now. Yes, yes, I see the secret now. No wonder it was all hushed up. And such a tragedy too on this side of the galaxy - all that potential Skywalker talent gone down in flames!!! And him not being able to produce any offspring!! <wicked grin> Any of you able to help him with that particular problem?! ;-D

    I wonder if that woman is still alive?! Is she still out there somewhere? \gasp!> You don't think she finally made her way over to our side, do you?! Do you think she might even be among us?! I'm sure she would've searched for her lost child the minute she had the opportunity to do so! Especially since they kept her locked up all that time after, well, the incident, you know...

    Samra starts chuckling helplessly at the plight of the poor maligned unknown Jedi aunt who has absolutely no idea at the awful speculations we've all been weaving about her person

And that, my friends, is the McQueen/Skywalker saga to date. No one knows what or where more information will come from. The speculation continues... and we, as Marines, will do anything in our power to bring you the truth about the dubious McQueen lineage. So, tune in for the next revelation.

Until then, Semper Fi!

The end...?

© Copyrighted 1997
Compiled and edited by Sparhawk

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