-- Very good, Simon. All serene, Simon, said the old man tranquilly. Anywhere you like. The outhouse will do me nicely: it will be more salubrious.
-- Damn me, said Mr Dedalus frankly, if I know how you can smoke such villainous awful tobacco. It's like gunpowder, by God.
-- It's very nice, Simon, replied the old man. Very cool and mollifying.
Every morning, therefore, uncle Charles repaired to his outhouse but not before he had greased and brushed scrupulously his back hair and brushed and put on his tall hat. While he smoked the brim of his tall hat and the bowl of his pipe were just visible beyond the jambs of the outhouse door. His arbour, as he called the reeking outhouse which he shared with the cat and the garden tools, served him also as a sounding-box: and every morning he hummed contentedly one of his favourite songs: O, twine me a bower or Blue Eyes and Golden Hair or The Groves of Blarney while the grey and blue coils of smoke rose slowly from his pipe and vanished in the pure air.
During the first part of the summer in Blackrock uncle Charles was Stephen's constant companion. Uncle Charles was a hale old man with a well tanned skin, rugged features and white side whiskers. On week days he did messages between the house in Carysfort Avenue and those shops in the main street of the town with which the family dealt. Stephen was glad to go with him on these errands for uncle Charles helped him very liberally to handfuls of whatever was exposed in open boxes and barrels outside the counter. He would seize a handful of grapes and sawdust or three or four American apples and thrust them generously into his grandnephew's hand while the shopman smiled uneasily; and, on Stephen's feigning reluctance to take them, he would frown and say:
-- Take them, sir. Do you hear me, sir? They're good for your bowels.
When the order list had been booked the two would go on to the park where an old friend of Stephen's father, Mike Flynn, would be found seated on a bench, waiting for them. Then would begin Stephen's run round the park. Mike Flynn would stand at the gate near the railway station, watch in hand, while Stephen ran round the track in the style Mike Flynn favoured, his head high lifted, his knees well lifted and his hands held straight down by his sides. When the morning practice was over the trainer would make his comments and sometimes illustrate them by shuffling along for a yard or so comically in an old pair of blue canvas shoes. A small ring of wonderstruck children and nursemaids would gather to watch him and linger even when he and uncle Charles had sat down again and were talking athletics and politics. Though he had heard his father say that Mike Flynn had put some of the best runners of modern times through his hands Stephen often glanced at his trainer's flabby stubble-covered face, as it bent over the long stained fingers through which he rolled his cigarette, and with pity at the mild lustreless blue eyes which would look up suddenly from the task and gaze vaguely into the blue distance while the long swollen fingers ceased their rolling and grains and fibres of tobacco fell back into the pouch.
On the way home uncle Charles would often pay a visit to the chapel and, as the font was above Stephen's reach, the old man would dip his hand and then sprinkle the water briskly about Stephen's clothes and on the floor of the porch. While he prayed he knelt on his red handkerchief and read above his breath from a thumb blackened prayer book wherein catchwords were printed at the foot of every page. Stephen knelt at his side respecting, though he did not share, his piety. He often wondered what his grand-uncle prayed for so seriously. Perhaps he prayed for the souls in purgatory or for the grace of a happy death or perhaps he prayed that God might send him back a part of the big fortune he had squandered in Cork.
On Sundays Stephen with his father and his grand-uncle took their constitutional. The old man was a nimble walker in spite of his corns and often ten or twelve miles of the road were covered. The little village of Stillorgan was the parting of the ways. Either they went to the left towards the Dublin mountains or along the Goatstown road and thence into Dundrum, coming home by Sandyford. Trudging along the road or standing in some grimy wayside public house his elders spoke constantly of the subjects nearer their hearts, of Irish politics, of Munster and of the legends of their own family, to all of which Stephen lent an avid ear. Words which he did not understand he said over and over to himself till he had learnt them by heart: and through them he had glimpses of the real world about them. The hour when he too would take part in the life of that world seemed drawing near and in secret he began to make ready for the great part which he felt awaited him the nature of which he only dimly apprehended.
His evenings were his own; and he pored over a ragged translation of The Count of Monte Cristo. The figure of that dark avenger stood forth in his mind for whatever he had heard or divined in childhood of the strange and terrible. At night he built up on the parlour table an image of the wonderful island cave out of transfers and paper flowers and coloured tissue paper and strips of the silver and golden paper in which chocolate is wrapped. When he had broken up this scenery, weary of its tinsel, there would come to his mind the bright picture of Marseille, of sunny trellises, and of Mercedes.
Outside Blackrock, on the road that led to the mountains, stood a small whitewashed house in the garden of which grew many rosebushes: and in this house, he told himself, another Mercedes lived. Both on the outward and on the homeward journey he measured distance by this landmark: and in his imagination he lived through a long train of adventures, marvellous as those in the book itself, towards the close of which there appeared an image of himself, grown older and sadder, standing in a moonlit garden with Mercedes who had so many years before slighted his love, and with a sadly proud gesture of refusal, saying:
-- Madam, I never eat muscatel grapes.
He became the ally of a boy named Aubrey Mills and founded with him a gang of adventurers in the avenue. Aubrey carried a whistle dangling from his buttonhole and a bicycle lamp attached to his belt while the others had short sticks thrust daggerwise through theirs. Stephen, who had read of Napoleon's plain style of dress, chose to remain unadorned and thereby heightened for himself the pleasure of taking counsel with his lieutenant before giving orders. The gang made forays into the gardens of old maids or went down to the castle and fought a battle on the shaggy weed-grown rocks, coming home after it weary stragglers with the stale odours of the foreshore in their nostrils and the rank oils of the seawrack upon their hands and in their hair.
Aubrey and Stephen had a common milkman and often they drove out in the milk-car to Carrickmines where the cows were at grass. While the men were milking the boys would take turns in riding the tractable mare round the field. But when autumn came the cows were driven home from the grass: and the first sight of the filthy cowyard at Stradbrook with its foul green puddles and clots of liquid dung and steaming bran troughs, sickened Stephen's heart. The cattle which had seemed so beautiful in the country on sunny days revolted him and he could not even look at the milk they yielded.
The coming of September did not trouble him this year for he was not to be sent back to Clongowes. The practice in the park came to an end when Mike Flynn went into hospital. Aubrey was at school and had only an hour or two free in the evening. The gang fell asunder and there were no more nightly forays or battles on the rocks. Stephen sometimes went round with the car which delivered the evening milk and these chilly drives blew away his memory of the filth of the cowyard and he felt no repugnance at seeing the cow hairs and hayseeds on the milkman's coat. Whenever the car drew up before a house he waited to catch a glimpse of a well scrubbed kitchen or of a softly lighted hall and to see how the servant would hold the jug and how she would close the door. He thought it should be a pleasant life enough, driving along the roads every evening to deliver milk, if he had warm gloves and a fat bag of gingernuts in his pocket to eat from. But the same foreknowledge which had sickened his heart and made his legs sag suddenly as he raced round the park, the same intuition which had made him glance with mistrust at his trainer's flabby stubble-covered face as it bent heavily over his long stained fingers, dissipated any vision of the future. In a vague way he understood that his father was in trouble and that this was the reason why he himself had not been sent back to Clongowes. For some time he had felt the slight change in his house; and those changes in what he had deemed unchangeable were so many slight shocks to his boyish conception of the world. The ambition which he felt astir at times in the darkness of his soul sought no outlet. A dusk like that of the outer world obscured his mind as he heard the mare's hoofs clattering along the tramtrack on the Rock Road and the great can swaying and rattling behind him.
He returned to Mercedes and, as he brooded upon her image, a strange unrest crept into his blood. Sometimes a fever gathered within him and led him to rove alone in the evening along the quiet avenue. The peace of the gardens and the kindly lights in the windows poured a tender influence into his restless heart. The noise of children at play annoyed him and their silly voices made him feel, even more keenly than he had felt at Clongowes, that he was different from others. He did not want to play. He wanted to meet in the real world the unsubstantial image which his soul so constantly beheld. He did not know where to seek it or how, but a premonition which led him on told him that this image would, without any overt act of his, encounter him. They would meet quietly as if they had known each other and had made their tryst, perhaps at one of the gates or in some more secret place. They would be alone, surrounded by darkness and silence: and in that moment of supreme tenderness he would be transfigured.
He would fade into something impalpable under her eyes and then in a moment he would be transfigured. Weakness and timidity and inexperience would fall from him in that magic moment.
Two great yellow caravans had halted one morning before the door and men had come tramping into the house to dismantle it. The furniture had been hustled out through the front garden which was strewn with wisps of straw and rope ends and into the huge vans at the gate. When all had been safely stowed the vans had set off noisily down the avenue: and from the window of the railway carriage, in which he had sat with his red-eyed mother, Stephen had seen them lumbering along the Merrion Road.
The parlour fire would not draw that evening and Mr Dedalus rested the poker against the bars of the grate to attract the flame. Uncle Charles dozed in a corner of the half furnished uncarpeted room and near him the family portraits leaned against the wall. The lamp on the table shed a weak light over the boarded floor, muddied by the feet of the van-men. Stephen sat on a footstool beside his father listening to a long and incoherent monologue. He understood little or nothing of it at first but he became slowly aware that his father had enemies and that some fight was going to take place. He felt, too, that he was being enlisted for the fight, that some duty was being laid upon his shoulders. The sudden flight from the comfort and revery of Blackrock, the passage through the gloomy foggy city, the thought of the bare cheerless house in which they were now to live made his heart heavy, and again an intuition, a foreknowledge of the future came to him. He understood also why the servants had often whispered together in the hall and why his father had often stood on the hearthrug with his back to the fire, talking loudly to uncle Charles who urged him to sit down and eat his dinner.
-- There's a crack of the whip left in me yet, Stephen, old chap, said Mr Dedalus, poking at the dull fire with fierce energy. We're not dead yet, sonny. No, by the Lord Jesus (God forgive me) not half dead.
Dublin was a new and complex sensation. Uncle Charles had grown so witless that he could no longer be sent out on errands and the disorder in settling in the new house left Stephen freer than he had been in Blackrock. In the beginning he contented himself with circling timidly round the neighbouring square or, at most, going half way down one of the side streets but when he had made a skeleton map of the city in his mind he followed boldly one of its central lines until he reached the customhouse. He passed unchallenged among the docks and along the quays wondering at the multitude of corks that lay bobbing on the surface of the water in a thick yellow scum, at the crowds of quay porters and the rumbling carts and the ill-dressed bearded policeman. The vastness and strangeness of the life suggested to him by the bales of merchandise stocked along the walls or swung aloft out of the holds of steamers wakened again in him the unrest which had sent him wandering in the evening from garden to garden in search of Mercedes. And amid this new bustling life he might have fancied himself in another Marseille but that he missed the bright sky and the sum-warmed trellises of the wineshops. A vague dissatisfaction grew up within him as he looked on the quays and on the river and on the lowering skies and yet he continued to wander up and down day after day as if he really sought someone that eluded him.
He went once or twice with his mother to visit their relatives: and though they passed a jovial array of shops lit up and adorned for Christmas his mood of embittered silence did not leave him. The causes of his embitterment were many, remote and near. He was angry with himself for being young and the prey of restless foolish impulses, angry also with the change of fortune which was reshaping the world about him into a vision of squalor and insincerity. Yet his anger lent nothing to the vision. He chronicled with patience what he saw, detaching himself from it and tasting its mortifying flavour in secret.
He was sitting on the backless chair in his aunt's kitchen. A lamp with a reflector hung on the japanned wall of the fireplace and by its light his aunt was reading the evening paper that lay on her knees. She looked a long time at a smiling picture that was set in it and said musingly:
-- The beautiful Mabel Hunter!
A ringletted girl stood on tiptoe to peer at the picture and said softly:
The child leaned her ringletted head against her mother's sleeve, gazing on the picture, and murmured as if fascinated:
-- The beautiful Mabel Hunter!
As if fascinated, her eyes rested long upon those demurely taunting eyes and she murmured devotedly:
-- Isn't she an exquisite creature?
And the boy who came in from the street, stamping crookedly under his stone of coal, heard her words. He dropped his load promptly on the floor and hurried to her side to see. He mauled the edges of the paper with his reddened and blackened hands, shouldering her aside and complaining that he could not see.
He was sitting in the narrow breakfast room high up in the old dark-windowed house. The firelight flickered on the wall and beyond the window a spectral dusk was gathering upon the river. Before the fire an old woman was busy making tea and, as she bustled at the task, she told in a low voice of what the priest and the doctor had said. She told too of certain changes they had seen in her of late and of her odd ways and sayings. He sat listening to the words and following the ways of adventure that lay open in the coals, arches and vaults and winding galleries and jagged caverns.
Suddenly he became aware of something in the doorway. A skull appeared suspended in the gloom of the doorway. A feeble creature like a monkey was there, drawn thither by the sound of voices at the fire. A whining voice came from the door asking:
The old bustling woman answered cheerily from the fireplace:
-- O He answered the greeting and saw a silly smile
break over the face in the doorway.
-- Do you want anything, Ellen? asked the old
woman at the fire.
But she did not answer the question and said:
-- I thought it was Josephine. I thought you
were Josephine, Stephen.
And, repeating this several times, she fell to
laughing feebly.
He was sitting in the midst of a children's party
at Harold's Cross. His silent watchful manner had grown upon him and he
took little part in the games. The children, wearing the spoils of their
crackers, danced and romped noisily and, though he tried to share their
merriment, he felt himself a gloomy figure amid the gay cocked hats and
sunbonnets.
But when he had sung his song and withdrawn into
a snug corner of the room he began to taste the joy of his loneliness.
The mirth, which in the beginning of the evening had seemed to him false
and trivial, was like a soothing air to him, passing gaily by his senses,
hiding from other eyes the feverish agitation of his blood while through
the circling of the dancers and amid the music and laughter her glance
travelled to his corner, flattering, taunting, searching, exciting his
heart.
In the hall the children who had stayed latest
were putting on their things: the party was over. She had thrown a shawl
about her and, as they went together towards the tram, sprays of her fresh
warm breath flew gaily above her cowled head and her shoes tapped blithely
on the glassy road.
It was the last tram. The lank brown horses knew
it and shook their bells to the clear night in admonition. The conductor
talked with the driver, both nodding often in the green light of the lamp.
On the empty seats of the tram were scattered a few coloured tickets. No
sound of footsteps came up or down the road. No sound broke the peace of
the night save when the lank brown horses rubbed their noses together and
shook their bells.
They seemed to listen, he on the upper step and
she on the lower. She came up to his step many times and went down to hers
again between their phrases and once or twice stood close beside him for
some moments on the upper step, forgetting to go down, and then went down.
His heart danced upon her movements like a cork upon a tide. He heard what
her eyes said to him from beneath their cowl and knew that in some dim
past, whether in life or revery, he had heard their tale before. He saw
her urge her vanities, her fine dress and sash and long black stockings,
and knew that he had yielded to them a thousand times. Yet a voice within
him spoke above the noise of his dancing heart, asking him would he take
her gift to which he had only to stretch out his hand. And he remembered
the day when he and Eileen had stood looking into the hotel grounds, watching
the waiters running up a trail of bunting on the flagstaff and the fox
terrier scampering to and fro on the sunny lawn and how, all of a sudden,
she had broken out into a peal of laughter and had run down the sloping
curve of the path. Now, as then, he stood listlessly in his place, seemingly
a tranquil watcher of the scene before him.
-- She too wants me to catch hold of her, he
thought. That's why she came with me to the tram. I could easily catch
hold Of her when she comes up to my step: nobody is looking. I could hold
her and kiss her.
But he did neither: and, when he was sitting
alone in the deserted tram, he tore his ticket into shreds and stared gloomily
at the corrugated footboard.
The next day he sat at his table in the bare
upper room for many hours. Before him lay a new pen, a new bottle of ink
and a new emerald exercise. From force of habit he had written at the top
of the first page the initial letters of the jesuit motto: A.M.D.G. On
the first line of the page appeared the title of the verses he was trying
to write: To E - C - . He knew it was right to begin so for he had seen
similar titles in the collected poems of Lord Byron. When he had written
this title and drawn an ornamental line underneath he fell into a daydream
and began to draw diagrams on the cover of the book. He saw himself sitting
at his table in Bray the morning after the discussion at the Christmas
dinner table, trying to write a poem about Parnell on the back of one of
his father's second moiety notices. But his brain had then refused to grapple
with the theme and, desisting, he had covered the page with the names and
addresses of certain of his classmates:
Now it seemed as if he would fail again but,
by dint of brooding on the incident, he thought himself into confidence.
During this process all those elements which he deemed common and insignificant
fell out of the scene. There remained no trace of the tram itself nor of
the tram-men nor of the horses: nor did he and she appear vividly. The
verses told only of the night and the balmy breeze and the maiden lustre
of the moon. Some undefined sorrow was hidden in the hearts of the protagonists
as they stood in silence beneath the leafless trees and when the moment
of farewell had come the kiss, which had been withheld by one, was given
by both. After this the letters L. D. S. were written at the foot of the
page, and, having hidden the book, he went into his mother's bedroom and
gazed at his face for a long time in the mirror of her dressing-table.
But his long spell of leisure and liberty was
drawing to its end. One evening his father came home full of news which
kept his tongue busy all through dinner. Stephen had been awaiting his
father's return for there had been mutton hash that day and he knew that
his father would make him dip his bread in the gravy. But he did not relish
the hash for the mention of Clongowes had coated his palate with a scum
of disgust.
-- I walked bang into him, said Mr Dedalus for
the fourth time, just at the corner of the square.
-- Then I suppose, said Mrs Dedalus, he will
be able to arrange it. I mean about Belvedere.
-- Of course he will, said Mr Dedalus. Don't
I tell you he's provincial of the order now?
-- I never liked the idea of sending him to
the christian brothers myself, said Mrs Dedalus.
-- Christian brothers be damned! said Mr Dedalus.
Is it with Paddy Stink and Micky Mud? No, let him stick to the jesuits
in God's name since he began with them. They'll be of service to him in
after years. Those are the fellows that can get you a position.
-- And they're a very rich order, aren't they,
Simon?
-- Rather. They live well, I tell you. You saw
their table at Clongowes. Fed up, by God, like gamecocks.
Mr Dedalus pushed his plate over to Stephen
and bade him finish what was on it.
-- Now then, Stephen, he said, you must put
your shoulder to the wheel, old chap. You've had a fine long holiday.
-- O, I'm sure he'll work very hard now, said
Mrs Dedalus, especially when he has Maurice with him.
-- O, Holy Paul, I forgot about Maurice, said
Mr Dedalus. Here, Maurice! Come here, you thick-headed ruffian! Do you
know I'm going to send you to a college where they'll teach you to spell
c.a.t. cat. And I'll buy you a nice little penny handkerchief to keep your
nose dry. Won't that be grand fun?
Maurice grinned at his father and then at his
brother.
Mr Dedalus screwed his glass into his eye and
stared hard at both his sons. Stephen mumbled his bread without answering
his father's gaze.
-- By the bye, said Mr Dedalus at length, the
rector, or provincial rather, was telling me that story about you and Father
Dolan. You're an impudent thief, he said.
-- Not he! said Mr Dedalus. But he gave me a
great account of the whole affair. We were chatting, you know, and one
word borrowed another. And, by the way, who do you think he told me will
get that job in the corporation? But I `Il tell you that after. Well, as
I was saying, we were chatting away quite friendly and he asked me did
our friend here wear glasses still, and then he told me the whole story.
-- Annoyed? Not he! Manly little chap!
he said.
Mr Dedalus imitated the mincing nasal tone of
the provincial.
Father Dolan and I, when I told them all at
dinner about it, Father Dolan and I had a great laugh over it. You better
mind yourself Father Dolan, said I, or young Dedalus will send you
up for twice nine. We had a famous laugh together over it. Ha! Ha!
Ha!
Mr Dedalus turned to his wife and interjected
in his natural voice:
-- Shows you the spirit in which they take the
boys there. O, a jesuit for your life, for diplomacy!
He reassumed the provincial's voice and repeated:
-- I told them all at dinner about it and
Father Dolan and I and all of us we had a hearty laugh together over it.
Ha! Ha! Ha!
The night of the Whitsuntide play had come and
Stephen from the window of the dressing-room looked out on the small grass-plot
across which lines of Chinese lanterns were stretched. He watched the visitors
come down the steps from the house and pass into the theatre. Stewards
in evening dress, old Belvedereans, loitered in groups about the entrance
to the theatre and ushered in the visitors with Ceremony. Under the sudden
glow of a lantern he could recognize the smiling face of a priest.
The Blessed Sacrament had been removed from
the tabernacle and the first benches had been driven back so as to leave
the dais of the altar and the space before it free. Against the walls stood
companies of barbells and Indian clubs; the dumbbells were piled in one
corner: and in the midst of countless hillocks of gymnasium shoes and sweaters
and singlets in untidy brown parcels there stood the stout leather-jacketed
vaulting horse waiting its turn to be carried up on the stage and set in
the middle of the winning team at the end of the gymnastic display.
Stephen, though in deference to his reputation
for essay writing he had been elected secretary to the gymnasium, had had
no part in the first section of the programme but in the play which formed
the second section he had the chief part, that of a farcical pedagogue.
He had been cast for it on account of his stature and grave manners for
he was now at the end of his second year at Belvedere and in number two.
A score of the younger boys in white knickers
and singlets came pattering down from the stage, through the vestry and
to the chapel. The vestry and chapel were peopled with eager masters and
boys. The plump bald sergeant major was testing with his foot the springboard
of the vaulting horse. The lean young man in a long overcoat, who was to
give a special display of intricate club swinging, stood near watching
with interest, his silver-coated clubs peeping out of his deep side-pockets.
The hollow rattle of the wooden dumbbells was heard as another team made
ready to go up on the stage: and in another moment the excited prefect
was hustling the boys through the vestry like a flock of geese, flapping
the wings of his soutane nervously and crying to the laggards to make haste.
A little troop of Neapolitan peasants were practising their steps at the
end of the chapel, some circling their arms above their heads, some swaying
their baskets of paper violets and curtsying. In a dark corner of the chapel
at the gospel side of the altar a stout old lady knelt amid her copious
black skirts. When she stood up a pink-dressed figure, wearing a curly
golden wig and an old-fashioned straw sunbonnet, with black pencilled eyebrows
and cheeks delicately rouged and powdered, was discovered. A low murmur
of curiosity ran round the chapel at the discovery of this girlish figure.
One of the prefects, smiling and nodding his head, approached the dark
corner and, having bowed to the stout old lady, said pleasantly:
-- Is this a beautiful young lady or a doll
that you have here, Mrs Tallon?
Then, bending down to peer at the smiling painted
face under the leaf of the bonnet, he exclaimed:
-- No! Upon my word I believe it's little Bertie
Tallon after all!
Stephen at his post by the window heard the
old lady and the priest laugh together and heard the boys' murmurs of admiration
behind him as they passed forward to see the little boy who had to dance
the sunbonnet dance by himself. A movement of impatience escaped him. He
let the edge of the blind fall and, stepping down from the bench on which
he had been standing, walked out of the chapel.
He passed out of the schoolhouse and halted
under the shed that flanked the garden. From the theatre opposite came
the muffled noise of the audience and sudden brazen clashes of the soldiers'
band. The light spread upwards from the glass roof making the theatre seem
a festive ark, anchored among the hulks of houses, her frail cables of
lanterns looping her to her moorings. A side door of the theatre opened
suddenly and a shaft of light flew across the grass plots. A sudden burst
of music issued from the ark, the prelude of a waltz: and when the side
door closed again the listener could hear the faint rhythm of the music.
The sentiment of the opening bars, their languor and supple movement, evoked
the incommunicable emotion which had been the cause of all his day's unrest
and of his impatient movement of a moment before. His unrest issued from
him like a wave of sound: and on the tide of flowing music the ark was
journeying, trailing her cables of lanterns in her wake. Then a noise like
dwarf artillery broke the movement. It was the clapping that greeted the
entry of the dumbbell team on the stage.
At the far end of the shed near the street a
speck of pink light showed in the darkness and as he walked towards it
he became aware of a faint aromatic odour. Two boys were standing in the
shelter of a doorway, smoking, and before he reached them he had recognised
Heron by his voice.
-- Here comes the noble Dedalus! cried a high
throaty voice. Welcome to our trusty friend!
This welcome ended in a soft peal of mirthless
laughter as Heron salaamed and then began to poke the ground with his cane.
-- Here I am, said Stephen, halting and glancing
from Heron to his friend.
The latter was a stranger to him but in the
darkness, by the aid of the glowing cigarette tips, he could make out a
pale dandyish face over which a smile was travelling slowly, a tall overcoated
figure and a hard hat. Heron did not trouble himself about an introduction
but said instead:
-- I was just telling my friend Wallis what
a lark it would be tonight if you took off the rector in the part of the
schoolmaster. It would be a ripping good joke.
Heron made a poor attempt to imitate for his
friend Wallis the rector's pedantic bass and then, laughing at his failure,
asked Stephen to do it.
-- Go on, Dedalus, he urged, you can take him
off rippingly. He that will not hear the churcha let him be to theea
as the heathena and the publicana.
The imitation was prevented by a mild expression
of anger from Wallis in whose mouthpiece the cigarette had become too tightly
wedged.
-- Damn this blankety blank holder, he said,
taking it from his mouth and smiling and frowning upon it tolerantly. It's
always getting stuck like that. Do you use a holder?
-- I don't smoke, answered Stephen.
-- No, said Heron, Dedalus is a model youth.
He doesn't smoke and he doesn't go to bazaars and he doesn't flirt and
he doesn't damn anything or damn all.
Stephen shook his head and smiled in his rival's
flushed and mobile face, beaked like a bird's. He had often thought it
strange that Vincent Heron had a bird's face as well as a bird's name.
A shock of pale hair lay on the forehead like a ruffled crest: the forehead
was narrow and bony and a thin hooked nose stood out between the close-set
prominent eyes which were light and inexpressive. The rivals were school
friends. They sat together in class, knelt together in the chapel, talked
together after beads over their lunches. As the fellows in number one were
undistinguished dullards, Stephen and Heron had been during the year the
virtual heads of the school. It was they who went up to the rector together
to ask for a free day or to get a fellow off.
-- O by the way, said Heron suddenly, I saw
your governor going in.
The smile waned on Stephen's face. Any allusion
made to his father by a fellow or by a master put his calm to rout in a
moment. He waited in timorous silence to hear what Heron might say next.
Heron, however, nudged him expressively with his elbow and said:
-- You'd think butter wouldn't melt in your
mouth said Heron. But I'm afraid you're a sly dog.
-- Might I ask you what you are talking about?
said Stephen urbanely.
-- Indeed you might, answered Heron. We saw
her, Wallis, didn't we? And deucedly pretty she is too. And inquisitive!
And
what part does Stephen take, Mr Dedalus? And will Stephen not sing, Mr
Dedalus? Your governor was staring at her through that eyeglass of
his for all he was worth so that I think the old man has found you out
too. I wouldn't care a bit, by Jove. She's ripping, isn't she, Wallis?
-- Not half bad, answered Wallis quietly as
he placed his holder once more in a corner of his mouth.
A shaft of momentary anger flew through Stephen's
mind at these indelicate allusions in the hearing of a stranger. For him
there was nothing amusing in a girl's interest and regard. All day he had
thought of nothing but their leave-taking on the steps of the tram at Harold's
Cross, the stream of moody emotions it had made to course through him and
the poem he had written about it. All day he had imagined a new meeting
with her for he knew that she was to come to the play. The old restless
moodiness had again filled his breast as it had done on the night of the
party, but had not found an outlet in verse. The growth and knowledge of
two years of boyhood stood between then and now, forbidding such an outlet:
and all day the stream of gloomy tenderness within him had started forth
and returned upon itself in dark courses and eddies, wearying him in the
end until the pleasantry of the prefect and the painted little boy had
drawn from him a movement of impatience.
-- So you may as well admit, Heron went on,
that we've fairly found you out this time. You can't play the saint on
me any more, that's one sure five.
A soft peal of mirthless laughter escaped from
his lips and, bending down as before, he struck Stephen lightly across
the calf of the leg with his cane, as if in jesting reproof.
Stephen's moment of anger had already passed.
He was neither flattered nor confused, but simply wished the banter to
end. He scarcely resented what had seemed to him a silly indelicateness
for he knew that the adventure in his mind stood in no danger from these
words: and his face mirrored his rival's false smile.
-- Admit! repeated Heron, striking him again
with his cane across the calf of the leg.
The stroke was playful but not so lightly given
as the first one had been. Stephen felt the skin tingle and glow slightly
and almost painlessly; and, bowing submissively, as if to meet his companion's
jesting mood, began to recite the Confiteor. The episode ended well,
for both Heron and Wallis laughed indulgently at the irreverence.
The confession came only from Stephen's lips
and, while they spoke the words, a sudden memory had carried him to another
scene called up, as if by magic, at the moment when he had noted the faint
cruel dimples at the corners of Heron's smiling lips and had felt the familiar
stroke of the cane against his calf and had heard the familiar word of
admonition:
It was towards the close of his first term in
the college when he was in number six. His sensitive nature was still smarting
under the lashes of an undivined and squalid way of life. His soul was
still disquieted and cast down by the dull phenomenon of Dublin. He had
emerged from a two years' spell of revery to find himself in the midst
of a new scene, every event and figure of which affected him intimately,
disheartened him or allured and, whether alluring or disheartening, filled
him always with unrest and bitter thoughts. All the leisure which his school
life left him was passed in the company of subversive writers whose jibes
and violence of speech set up a ferment in his brain before they passed
out of it into his crude writings.
The essay was for him the chief labour of his
week and every Tuesday, as he marched from home to the school, he read
his fate in the incidents of the way, pitting himself against some figure
ahead of him and quickening his pace to outstrip it before a certain goal
was reached or planting his steps scrupulously in the spaces of the patchwork
of the pathway and telling himself that he would be first and not first
in the weekly essay.
On a certain Tuesday the course of his triumphs
was rudely broken. Mr Tate, the English master, pointed his finger at him
and said bluntly:
-- This fellow has heresy in his essay.
A hush fell on the class. Mr Tate did not break
it but dug with his hand between his thighs while his heavily starched
linen creaked about his neck and wrists. Stephen did not look up. It was
a raw spring morning and his eyes were still smarting and weak. He was
conscious of failure and of detection, of the squalor of his own mind and
home, and felt against his neck the raw edge of his turned and jagged collar.
A short loud laugh from Mr Tate set the class
more at ease.
-- Perhaps you didn't know that, he said.
Mr Tate withdrew his delving hand and spread
out the essay.
-- Here. It's about the Creator and the soul.
Rrm -- I meant without a possibility of ever
reaching.
It was a submission and Mr Tate, appeased, folded
up the essay and passed it across to him, saying:
-- O But the class was not so soon appeased. Though
nobody spoke to him of the affair after class he could feel about him a
vague general malignant joy.
A few nights after this public chiding he was
walking with a letter along the Drumcondra Road when he heard a voice cry:
He turned and saw three boys of his own class
coming towards him in the dusk. It was Heron who had called out and, as
he marched forward between his two attendants, he cleft the air before
him with a thin cane in time to their steps. Boland, his friend, marched
beside him, a large grin on his face, while Nash came on a few steps behind,
blowing from the pace and wagging his great red head.
As soon as the boys had turned into Clonliffe
Road together they began to speak about books and writers, saying what
books they were reading and how many books there were in their fathers'
bookcases at home. Stephen listened to them in some wonderment for Boland
was the dunce and Nash the idler of the class. In fact, after some talk
about their favourite writers, Nash declared for Captain Marryat who, he
said, was the greatest writer.
-- Fudge! said Heron. Ask Dedalus. Who is the
greatest writer, Dedalus?
Stephen noted the mockery in the question and
said:
-- Is it Cardinal Newman? asked Boland.
The grin broadened on Nash's freckled face as
he turned to Stephen and said:
-- And do you like Cardinal Newman, Dedalus?
-- O, many say that Newman has the best prose
style, Heron said to the other two in explanation, of course he's not a
poet.
-- And who is the best poet, Heron? asked Boland.
-- Lord Tennyson, of course, answered Heron.
-- O, yes, Lord Tennyson, said Nash. We have
all his poetry at home in a book.
At this Stephen forgot the silent vows he had
been making and burst out:
-- Tennyson a poet! Why, he's only a rhymester!
-- O, get out! said Heron. Everyone knows that
Tennyson is the greatest poet.
-- And who do you think is the greatest poet?
asked Boland, nudging his neighbour.
-- Byron, of course, answered Stephen.
Heron gave the lead and all three joined in
a scornful laugh.
-- What are you laughing at? asked Stephen.
-- You, said Heron. Byron the greatest poet!
He's only a poet for uneducated people.
-- He must be a fine poet! said Boland.
-- You may keep your mouth shut, said Stephen,
turning on him boldly. All you know about poetry is what you wrote up on
the slates in the yard and were going to be sent to the loft for.
Boland, in fact, was said to have written on
the slates in the yard a couplet about a classmate of his who often rode
home from the college on a pony:
This thrust put the two lieutenants to silence
but Heron went on:
-- In any case Byron was a heretic and immoral
too.
-- I don't care what he was, cried Stephen hotly.
-- You don't care whether he was a heretic or
not? said Nash.
-- What do you know about it? shouted Stephen.
You never read a line of anything in your life except a trans, or Boland
either.
-- I know that Byron was a bad man, said Boland.
-- Here, catch hold of this heretic, Heron called
out. In a moment Stephen was a prisoner.
-- Tate made you buck up the other day, Heron
went on, about the heresy in your essay.
-- I'll tell him tomorrow, said Boland.
-- Will you? said Stephen. You'd be afraid to
open your lips.
-- Behave yourself! cried Heron, cutting at
Stephen's legs with his cane.
It was the signal for their onset. Nash pinioned
his arms behind while Boland seized a long cabbage stump which was lying
in the gutter. Struggling and kicking under the cuts of the cane and the
blows of the knotty stump Stephen was borne back against a barbed wire
fence.
-- Admit that Byron was no good.
At last after a fury of plunges he wrenched
himself free. His tormentors set off towards Jones's Road, laughing and
jeering at him, while he, half blinded with tears, stumbled on, clenching
his fists madly and sobbing.
While he was still repeating the Confiteor
amid the indulgent laughter of his hearers and while the scenes of that
malignant episode were still passing sharply and swiftly before his mind
he wondered why he bore no malice now to those who had tormented him. He
had not forgotten a whit of their cowardice and cruelty but the memory
of it called forth no anger from him. All the descriptions of fierce love
and hatred which he had met in books had seemed to him therefore unreal.
Even that night as he stumbled homewards along Jones's Road he had felt
that some power was divesting him of that sudden-woven anger as easily
as a fruit is divested of its soft ripe peel.
He remained standing with his two companions
at the end of the shed listening idly to their talk or to the bursts of
applause in the theatre. She was sitting there among the others perhaps
waiting for him to appear. He tried to recall her appearance but could
not. He could remember only that she had worn a shawl about her head like
a cowl and that her dark eyes had invited and unnerved him. He wondered
had he been in her thoughts as she had been in his. Then in the dark and
unseen by the other two he rested the tips of the fingers of one hand upon
the palm of the other hand, scarcely touching it lightly. But the pressure
of her fingers had been lighter and steadier: and suddenly the memory of
their touch traversed his brain and body like an invisible wave.
A boy came towards them, running along under
the shed. He was excited and breathless.
-- O, Dedalus, he cried, Doyle is in a great
bake about you. You're to go in at once and get dressed for the play. Hurry
up, you better.
-- He's coming now, said Heron to the messenger
with a haughty drawl, when he wants to.
The boy turned to Heron and repeated:
-- But Doyle is in an awful bake.
-- Will you tell Doyle with my best compliments
that I damned his eyes? answered Heron.
-- Well, I must go now, said Stephen, who cared
little for such points of honour.
-- I wouldn't, said Heron, damn me if I would.
That's no way to send for one of the senior boys. In a bake, indeed! I
think it's quite enough that you're taking a part in his bally old play.
This spirit of quarrelsome comradeship which
he had observed lately in his rival had not seduced Stephen from his habits
of quiet obedience. He mistrusted the turbulence and doubted the sincerity
of such comradeship which seemed to him a sorry anticipation of manhood.
The question of honour here raised was, like all such questions, trivial
to him. While his mind had been pursuing its intangible phantoms and turning
in irresolution from such pursuit he had heard about him the constant voices
of his father and of his masters, urging him to be a gentleman above all
things and urging him to be a good catholic above all things. These voices
had now come to be hollow-sounding in his ears. When the gymnasium had
been opened he had heard another voice urging him to be strong and manly
and healthy and when the movement towards national revival had begun to
be felt in the college yet another voice had bidden him be true to his
country and help to raise up her language and tradition. In the profane
world, as he foresaw, a worldly voice would bid him raise up his father's
fallen state by his labours and, meanwhile, the voice of his school comrades
urged him to be a decent fellow, to shield others from blame or to beg
them off and to do his best to get free days for the school. And it was
the din of all these hollow-sounding voices that made him halt irresolutely
in the pursuit of phantoms. He gave them ear only for a time but he was
happy only when he was far from them, beyond their call, alone or in the
company of phantasmal comrades.
In the vestry a plump fresh-faced jesuit and
an elderly man, in shabby blue clothes, were dabbling in a case of paints
and chalks. The boys who had been painted walked about or stood still awkwardly,
touching their faces in a gingerly fashion with their furtive fingertips.
In the middle of the vestry a young jesuit, who was then on a visit to
the college, stood rocking himself rhythmically from the tips of his toes
to his heels and back again, his hands thrust well forward into his side-pockets.
His small head set off with glossy red curls and his newly shaven face
agreed well with the spotless decency of his soutane and with his spotless
shoes.
As he watched this swaying form and tried to
read for himself the legend of the priest's mocking smile there came into
Stephen's memory a saying which he had heard from his father before he
had been sent to Clongowes, that you could always tell a jesuit by the
style of his clothes. At the same moment he thought he saw a likeness between
his father's mind and that of this smiling well-dressed priest: and he
was aware of some desecration of the priest's office or of the vestry itself
whose silence was now routed by loud talk and joking and its air pungent
with the smells of the gas-jets and the grease.
While his forehead was being wrinkled and his
jaws painted black and blue by the elderly man, he listened distractedly
to the voice of the plump young jesuit which bade him speak up and make
his points clearly. He could hear the band playing The Lily of Killarney
and knew that in a few moments the curtain would go up. He felt no stage
fright but the thought of the part he had to play humiliated him. A remembrance
of some of his lines made a sudden flush rise to his painted cheeks. He
saw her serious alluring eyes watching him from among the audience and
their image at once swept away his scruples, leaving his will compact.
Another nature seemed to have been lent him: the infection of the excitement
and youth about him entered into and transformed his moody mistrustfulness.
For one rare moment he seemed to be clothed in the real apparel of boyhood:
and, as he stood in the wings among the other players, he shared the common
mirth amid which the drop scene was hauled upwards by two able-bodied priests
with violent jerks and all awry.
A few moments after he found himself on the
stage amid the garish gas and the dim scenery, acting before the innumerable
faces of the void. It surprised him to see that the play which he had known
at rehearsals for a disjointed lifeless thing had suddenly assumed a life
of its own. It seemed now to play itself, he and his fellow actors aiding
it with their parts. When the curtain fell on the last scene he heard the
void filled with applause and, through a rift in a side scene, saw the
simple body before which he had acted magically deformed, the void of faces
breaking at all points and falling asunder into busy groups.
He left the stage quickly and rid himself of
his mummery and passed out through the chapel into the college garden.
Now that the play was over his nerves cried for some further adventure.
He hurried onwards as if to overtake it. The doors of the theatre were
all open and the audience had emptied out. On the lines which he had fancied
the moorings of an ark a few lanterns swung in the night breeze, flickering
cheerlessly. He mounted the steps from the garden in haste, eager that
some prey should not elude him, and forced his way through the crowd in
the hall and past the two jesuits who stood watching the exodus and bowing
and shaking hands with the visitors. He pushed onward nervously, feigning
a still greater haste and faintly conscious of the smiles and stares and
nudges which his powdered head left in its wake.
When he came out on the steps he saw his family
waiting for' him at the first lamp. In a glance he noted that every figure
of the group was familiar and ran down the steps angrily.
-- I have to leave a message down in George's
Street, he said to his father quickly. I'll be home after you.
Without waiting for his father's questions he
ran across the road and began to walk at breakneck speed down the hill.
He hardly knew where he was walking. Pride and hope and desire like crushed
herbs in his heart sent up vapours of, maddening incense before the eyes
of his mind. He strode down the hill amid the tumult of sudden-risen vapours
of wounded pride and fallen hope and baffled desire. They streamed upwards
before his anguished eyes in dense and maddening fumes and passed away
above him till at last the air was clear and cold again.
A film still veiled his eyes but they burned
no longer. A power, akin to that which had often made anger or resentment
fall from him, brought his steps to rest. He stood still and gazed up at
the sombre porch of the morgue and from that to the dark cobbled laneway
at its side. He saw the word Lotts on the wall of the lane and breathed
slowly the rank heavy air.
That is horse piss and rotted straw, he thought.
It is a good odour to breathe. It will calm my heart. My heart is quite
calm now. I will go back.
Stephen was once again seated beside his father
in the corner of a railway carriage at Kingsbridge. He was travelling with
his father by the night mail to Cork. As the train steamed out of the station
he recalled his childish wonder of years before and every event of his
first day at Clongowes. But he felt no wonder now. He saw the darkening
lands slipping away past him, the silent telegraph-poles passing his window
swiftly every four seconds, the little glimmering stations, manned by a
few silent sentries, flung by the mail behind her and twinkling for a moment
in the darkness like fiery grains flung backwards by a runner.
He listened without sympathy to his father's
evocation of Cork and of scenes of his youth, a tale broken by sighs or
draughts from his pocket flask whenever the image of some dead friend appeared
in it or whenever the evoker remembered suddenly the purpose of his actual
visit. Stephen heard but could feel no pity. The images of the dead were
all strangers to him save that of uncle Charles, an image which had lately
been fading out of memory. He knew, however, that his father's property
was going to be sold by auction, and in the manner of his own dispossession
he felt the world give the lie rudely to his phantasy.
At Maryborough he fell asleep. When he awoke
the train had passed out of Mallow and his father was stretched asleep
on the other seat. The cold light of the dawn lay over the country, over
the unpeopled fields and the closed cottages. The terror of sleep fascinated
his mind as he watched the silent country or heard from time to time his
father's deep breath or sudden sleepy movement. The neighbourhood of unseen
sleepers filled him with strange dread, as though they could harm him,
and he prayed that the day might come quickly. His prayer, addressed neither
to God nor saint, began with a shiver, as the chilly morning breeze crept
through the chink of the carriage door to his feet, and ended in a trail
of foolish words which he made to fit the insistent rhythm of the train;
and silently, at intervals of four seconds, the telegraph-poles held the
galloping notes of the music between punctual bars. This furious music
allayed his dread and, leaning against the windowledge, he let his eyelids
close again.
They drove in a jingle across Cork while it
was still early morning and Stephen finished his sleep in a bedroom of
the Victoria Hotel. The bright warm sunlight was streaming through the
window and he could hear the din of traffic. His father was standing before
the dressing-table, examining his hair and face and moustache with great
care, craning his neck across the water-jug and drawing it back sideways
to see the better. While he did so he sang softly to himself with quaint
accent and phrasing:
`My love she's handsome,
The consciousness of the warm sunny city outside
his window and the tender tremors with which his father's voice festooned
the strange sad happy air, drove off all the mists of the night's ill humour
from Stephen's brain. He got up quickly to dress and, when the song had
ended, said:
-- That's much prettier than any of your other
come-all-yous.
-- Do you think so? asked Mr Dedalus.
-- It's a pretty old air, said Mr Dedalus, twirling
the points of his moustache. Ah, but you should have heard Mick Lacy sing
it! Poor Mick Lacy! He had little turns for it, grace notes that he used
to put in that I haven't got. That was the boy who could sing a come-all-you,
if you like.
Mr Dedalus had ordered drisheens for breakfast
and during the meal he cross-examined the waiter for local news. For the
most part they spoke at cross purposes when a name was mentioned, the waiter
having in mind the present holder and Mr Dedalus his father or perhaps
his grandfather.
-- Well, I hope they haven't moved the Queen's
College anyhow, said Mr Dedalus, for I want to show it to this youngster
of mine.
Along the Mardyke the trees were in bloom. They
entered the grounds of the college and were led by the garrulous porter
across the quadrangle. But their progress across the gravel was brought
to a halt after every dozen or so paces by some reply of the porter's.
-- Ah, do you tell me so? And is poor Pottlebelly
dead?
During these halts Stephen stood awkwardly behind
the two men, weary of the subject and waiting restlessly for the slow march
to begin again. By the time they had crossed the quadrangle his restlessness
had risen to fever. He wondered how his father, whom he knew for a shrewd
suspicious man, could be duped by the servile manners of the porter; and
the lively southern speech which had entertained him all the morning now
irritated his ears.
They passed into the anatomy theatre where Mr
Dedalus, the porter aiding him, searched the desks for his initials. Stephen
remained in the background, depressed more than ever by the darkness and
silence of the theatre and by the air it wore of jaded and formal study.
On the desk he read the word Foetus cut several times in the dark
stained wood. The sudden legend startled his blood: he seemed to feel the
absent students of the college about him and to shrink from their company.
A vision of their life, which his father's words had been powerless to
evoke, sprang up before him out of the word cut in the desk. A broad-shouldered
student with a moustache was cutting in the letters with a jack-knife,
seriously. Other students stood or sat near him laughing at his handiwork.
One jogged his elbow. The big student turned on him, frowning. He was dressed
in loose grey clothes and had tan boots.
Stephen's name was called. He hurried down the
steps of the theatre so as to be as far away from the vision as he could
be and, peering closely at his father's initials, hid his flushed face.
But the word and the vision capered before his
eyes as he walked back across the quadrangle and towards the college gate.
It shocked him to find in the outer world a trace of what he had deemed
till then a brutish and individual malady of his own mind. His monstrous
reveries came thronging into his memory. They too had sprung up before
him, suddenly and furiously, out of mere words. He had soon given in to
them and allowed them to sweep across and abase his intellect, wondering
always where they came from, from what den of monstrous images, and always
weak and humble towards others, restless and sickened of himself when they
had swept over him.
-- Ay, bedad! And there's the Groceries sure
enough! cried Mr Dedalus. You often heard me speak of the Groceries, didn't
you, Stephen. Many's the time we went down there when our names had been
marked, a crowd of us, Harry Peard and little Jack Mountain and Bob Dyas
and Maurice Moriarty, the Frenchman, and Tom O'Grady and Mick Lacy that
I told you of this morning and Joey Corbet and poor little good-hearted
Johnny Keevers of the Tantiles.
The leaves of the trees along the Mardyke were
astir and whispering in the sunlight. A team of cricketers passed, agile
young men in flannels and blazers, one of them carrying the long green
wicket-bag. In a quiet bystreet a German band of five players in faded
uniforms and with battered brass instruments was playing to an audience
of street arabs and leisurely messenger boys. A maid in a white cap and
apron was watering a box of plants on a sill which shone like a slab of
limestone in the warm glare. From another window open to the air came the
sound of a piano, scale after scale rising into the treble.
Stephen walked on at his father's side, listening
to stories he had heard before, hearing again the names of the scattered
and dead revellers who had been the companions of his father's youth. And
a faint sickness sighed in his heart.
He recalled his own equivocal position in Belvedere,
a free boy, a leader afraid of his own authority, proud and sensitive and
suspicious, battling against the squalor of his life and against the riot
of his mind. The letters cut in the stained wood of the desk stared upon
him, mocking his bodily weakness and futile enthusiasms and making him
loathe himself for his own mad and filthy orgies. The spittle in his throat
grew bitter and foul to swallow and the faint sickness climbed to his brain
so that for a moment he closed his eyes and walked on in darkness.
He could still hear his father's voice--
-- When you kick out for yourself, Stephen -
as I daresay you will one of these days - remember, whatever you do, to
mix with gentlemen. When I was a young fellow I tell you I enjoyed myself.
I mixed with fine decent fellows. Everyone of us could lo something. One
fellow had a good voice, another fellow was a good actor, another could
sing a good comic song, another was a good oarsman or a good racket player,
another could tell a good story and so on. We kept the ball rolling anyhow
and enjoyed ourselves and saw a bit of life and we were none the worse
of it either. But we were all gentlemen, Stephen - at least I hope we were
- and bloody good honest Irishmen too. That's the kind of fellows I want
you to associate with, fellows of the right kidney. I'm talking to you
as a friend, Stephen. I don't believe a son should be afraid of his father.
No, I treat you as your grandfather treated me when I was a young chap.
We were more like brothers than father and son. I `Il never forget the
first day he caught me smoking. I was standing at the end of the South
Terrace one day with some maneens like myself and sure we thought we were
grand fellows because we had pipes stuck in the corners of our mouths.
Suddenly the governor passed. He didn't say a word, or stop even. But the
next day, Sunday, we were out for a walk together and when we were coming
home he took out his cigar case and said: - By the by, Simon, I didn't
know you smoked, or something like that. - Of course I tried to carry it
off as best I could. - If you want a good smoke, he said, try one of these
cigars. An American captain made me a present of them last night in Queenstown.
Stephen heard his father's voice break into
a laugh which was almost a sob.
-- He was the handsomest man in Cork at that
time, by God he was! The women used to stand to look after him in the street.
He heard the sob passing loudly down his father's
throat and opened his eyes with a nervous impulse. The sunlight breaking-suddenly
on his sight turned the sky and clouds into a fantastic world of sombre
masses with lakelike spaces of dark rosy light. His very brain was sick
and powerless. He could scarcely interpret the letters of the signboards
of the shops. By his monstrous way of life he seemed to have put himself
beyond the limits of reality. Nothing moved him or spoke to him from the
real world unless he heard in it an echo of the infuriated cries within
him. He could respond to no earthly or human appeal, dumb and insensible
to the call of summer and gladness and companionship, wearied and dejected
by his father's voice. He could scarcely recognize as his own thoughts,
and repeated slowly to himself:
-- I am Stephen Dedalus. I am walking beside
my father whose name is Simon Dedalus. We are in Cork, in Ireland. Cork
is a city. Our room is in the Victoria Hotel. Victoria and Stephen and
Simon. Simon and Stephen and Victoria. Names.
The memory of his childhood suddenly grew dim.
He tried to call forth some of its vivid moments but could not. He recalled
only names. Dante, Parnell, Clane, Clongowes. A little boy had been taught
geography by an old woman who kept two brushes in her wardrobe. Then he
had been sent away from home to a college, he had made his first communion
and eaten slim jim out of his cricket cap and watched the firelight leaping
and dancing on the wall of a little bedroom in the infirmary and dreamed
of being dead, of mass being said for him by the rector in a black and
gold cope, of being buried then in the little graveyard of the community
off the main avenue of limes. But he had not died then. Parnell had died.
There had been no mass for the dead in the chapel and no procession. He
had not died but he had faded out like a film in the sun. He had been lost
or had wandered out of existence for he no longer existed. How strange
to think of him passing out of existence in such a way, not by death but
by fading out in the sun or by being lost and forgotten somewhere in the
universe! It was strange to see his small body appear again for a moment:
a little boy in a grey belted suit. His hands were in his side-pockets
and his trousers were tucked in at the knees by elastic bands.
On the evening of the day on which the property
was sold Stephen followed his father meekly about the city from bar to
bar. To the sellers in the market, to the barmen and barmaids, to the beggars
who importuned him for a lob Mr Dedalus told the same tale - that he was
an old Corkonian, that he had been trying for thirty years to get rid of
his Cork accent up in Dublin and that Peter Pickackafax beside him was
his eldest son but that he was only a Dublin jackeen.
They had set out early in the morning from Newcombe's
coffee-house, where Mr Dedalus's cup had rattled noisily against its saucer,
and Stephen had tried to cover that shameful sign of his father's drinking
bout of the night before by moving his chair and coughing. One humiliation
had succeeded another - the false smiles of the market sellers, the curvetings
and oglings of the barmaids with whom his father flirted, the compliments
and encouraging words of his father's friends. They had told him that he
had a great look of his grandfather and Mr Dedalus had agreed that he was
an ugly likeness. They had unearthed traces of a Cork accent in his speech
and made him admit that the Lee was a much finer river than the Liffey.
One of them, in order to put his Latin to the proof, had made him translate
short passages from Dilectus and asked him whether it was correct to say:
Tempora
mutantur nos et mutamur in illis or Tempora mutantur et nos mutamur
in illis. Another, a brisk old man, whom Mr Dedalus called Johnny Cashman,
had covered him with confusion by asking him to say which were prettier,
the Dublin girls or the Cork girls.
-- He's not that way built, said Mr Dedalus.
Leave him alone. He's a level-headed thinking boy who doesn't bother his
head about that kind of nonsense.
-- Then he's not his father's son, said the
little old man.
-- I don't know, I'm sure, said Mr Dedalus,
smiling complacently.
-- Your father, said the little old man to Stephen,
was the boldest flirt in the City of Cork in his day. Do you know that?
Stephen looked down and studied the tiled floor
of the bar into which they had drifted.
-- Now don't be putting ideas into his head,
said Mr Dedalus Leave him to his Maker.
-- Yerra, sure I wouldn't put any ideas into
his head. I'm old enough to be his grandfather. And I am a grandfather,
said the little old man to Stephen. Do you know that?
-- Bedad I am, said the little old man. I have
two bouncing grandchildren out at Sunday's Well. Now, then! What age do
you think I am? And I remember seeing your grandfather in his red coat
riding out to hounds. That was before you were born.
-- Ay, or thought of, said Mr Dedalus.
-- Bedad I did, repeated the little old man.
And, more than that, I can remember even your great-grandfather, old John
Stephen Dedalus, and a fierce old fire-eater he was. Now, then! There's
a memory for you!
-- That's three generations - four generations,
said another of the company. Why, Johnny Cashman, you must be nearing the
century.
-- Well, I'll tell you the truth, said the little
old man. I'm just twenty-seven years of age.
-- We're as old as we feel, Johnny, said Mr
Dedalus. And just finish what you have there and we'll have another. Here,
Tim or Tom or whatever your name is, give us the same again here. By God,
I don't feel more than eighteen myself. There's that son of mine there
not half my age and I'm a better man than he is any day of the week.
-- Draw it mild now, Dedalus. I think it's time
for you to take a back seat, said the gentleman who had spoken before.
-- No, by God! asserted Mr Dedalus. I'll sing
a tenor song against him or I'll vault a five-barred gate against him or
I'll run with him after the hounds across the country as I did thirty years
ago along with the Kerry Boy and the best man for it.
-- But he'll beat you here, said the little
old man, tapping his forehead and raising his glass to drain it.
-- Well, I hope he'll be as good a man as his
father. That's all I can say, said Mr Dedalus.
-- If he is, he'll do, said the little old man.
-- And thanks be to God, Johnny, said Mr Dedalus,
that we lived so long and did so little harm.
-- But did so much good, Simon, said the little
old man gravely. Thanks be to God we lived so long and did so much good.
Stephen watched the three glasses being raised
from the counter as his father and his two cronies drank to the memory
of their past. An abyss of fortune or of temperament sundered him from
them. His mind seemed older than theirs: it shone coldly on their strifes
and happiness and regrets like a moon upon a younger earth. No life or
youth stirred in him as it had stirred in them. He had known neither the
pleasure of companionship with others nor the vigour of rude male health
nor filial piety. Nothing stirred within his soul but a cold and cruel
and loveless lust. His childhood was dead or lost and with it his soul
capable of simple joys and he was drifting amid life like the barren shell
of the moon.
He repeated to himself the lines of Shelley's
fragment. Its alternation of sad human ineffectiveness with vast inhuman
cycles of activity chilled him and he forgot his own human and ineffectual
grieving.
Stephen's mother and his brother and one of
his cousins waited at the corner of quiet Foster Place while he and his
father went up the steps and along the colonnade where the Highland sentry
was parading. When they had passed into the great hall and stood at the
counter Stephen drew forth his orders on the governor of the bank of Ireland
for thirty and three pounds; and these sums, the moneys of his exhibition
and essay prize, were paid over to him rapidly by the teller in notes and
in coin respectively. He bestowed them in his pockets with feigned composure
and suffered the friendly teller, to whom his father chatted, to take his
hand across the broad counter and wish him a brilliant career in after
life. He was impatient of their voices and could not keep his feet at rest.
But the teller still deferred the serving of others to say he was living
in changed times and that there was nothing like giving a boy the best
education that money could buy. Mr Dedalus lingered in the hall gazing
about him and up at the roof and telling Stephen, who urged him to come
out, that they were standing in the house of commons of the old Irish parliament.
-- God help us! he said piously, to think of
the men of those times, Stephen, Hely Hutchinson and Flood and Henry Grattan
and Charles Kendal Bushe, and the noblemen we have now, leaders of the
Irish people at home and abroad. Why, by God, they wouldn't be seen dead
in a ten-acre field with them. No, Stephen, old chap, I'm sorry to say
that they are only as I roved out one fine May morning in the merry month
of sweet July.
A keen October wind was blowing round the bank.
The three figures standing at the edge of the muddy path had pinched cheeks
and watery eyes. Stephen looked at his thinly clad mother and remembered
that a few days before he had seen a mantle priced at twenty guineas in
the windows of Barnardo's.
-- Well that's done, said Mr Dedalus.
-- We had better go to dinner, said Stephen.
Where?
-- Dinner? said Mr Dedalus. Well, I suppose
we had better, what?
-- Some place that's not too dear, said Mrs
Dedalus.
-- Come along, said Stephen quickly. It doesn't
matter about the dearness.
He walked on before them with short nervous
steps, smiling. They tried to keep up with him, smiling also at his eagerness.
-- Take it easy like a good young fellow, said
his father. We're hot out for the half mile, are we?
For a swift season of merrymaking the money
of his prizes ran through Stephen's fingers. Great parcels of groceries
and delicacies and dried fruits arrived from the city. Every day he drew
up a bill of fare for the family and every night led a party of three or
four to the theatre to see Ingomar or The Lady of Lyons.
In his coat pockets he carried squares of Vienna chocolate for his guests
while his trousers' pocket bulged with masses of silver and copper coins.
He bought presents for everyone, overhauled his room, wrote out resolutions,
marshalled his books up and down their shelves, pored upon all kinds of
price lists, drew up a form of commonwealth for the household by which
every member of it held some office, opened a loan bank for his family
and pressed loans on willing borrowers so that he might have the pleasure
of making out receipts and reckoning the interests on the sums lent. When
he could do no more he drove up and down the city in trams. Then the season
of pleasure came to an end. The pot of pink enamel paint gave out and the
wainscot of his bedroom remained with its unfinished and ill-plastered
coat.
His household returned to its usual way of life.
His mother had no further occasion to upbraid him for squandering his money.
He too returned to his old life at school and all his novel enterprises
fell to pieces. The commonwealth fell, the loan bank closed its coffers
and its books on a sensible loss, the rules of life which he had drawn
about himself fell into desuetude.
How foolish his aim had been! He had tried to
build a break-water of order and elegance against the sordid tide of life
without him and to dam up, by rules of conduct and active interest and
new filial relations, the powerful recurrence of the tides within him.
Useless. From without as from within the waters had flowed over his barriers:
their tides began once more to jostle fiercely above the crumbled mole.
He saw clearly too his own futile isolation.
He had not gone one step nearer the lives he had sought to approach nor
bridged the restless shame and rancour that had divided him from mother
and brother and sister. He felt that he was hardly of the one blood with
them but stood to them rather in the mystical kinship of fosterage, fosterchild
and fosterbrother.
He turned to appease the fierce longings of
his heart before which everything else was idle and alien. He cared little
that he was in mortal sin, that his life had grown to be a tissue of subterfuge
and falsehood. Beside the savage desire within him to realize the enormities
which he brooded on nothing was sacred. He bore cynically with the shameful
details of his secret riots in which he exulted to defile with patience
whatever image had attracted his eyes. By day and by night he moved among
distorted images of the outer world. A figure that had seemed to him by
day demure and innocent came towards him by night through the winding darkness
of sleep, her face transfigured by a lecherous cunning, her eyes bright
with brutish joy. Only the morning pained him with its dim memory of dark
orgiastic riot, its keen and humiliating sense of transgression.
He returned to his wanderings. The veiled autumnal
evenings led him from street to street as they had led him years before
along the quiet avenues of Blackrock. But no vision of trim front gardens
or of kindly lights in the windows poured a tender influence upon him now.
Only at times, in the pauses of his desire, when the luxury that was wasting
him gave room to a softer languor, the image of Mercedes traversed the
background of his memory. He saw again the small white house and the garden
of rose-bushes on the road that led to the mountains and he remembered
the sadly proud gesture of refusal which he was to make there, standing
with her in the moonlit garden after years of estrangement and adventure.
At those moments the soft speeches of Claude Melnotte rose to his lips
and eased his unrest. A tender premonition touched him of the tryst he
had then looked forward to and, in spite of the horrible reality which
lay between his hope of then and now, of the holy encounter he had then
imagined at which weakness and timidity and inexperience were to fall from
him.
Such moments passed and the wasting fires of
lust sprang up again. The verses passed from his lips and the inarticulate
cries and the unspoken brutal words rushed forth from his brain to force
a passage. His blood was in revolt. He wandered up and down the dark slimy
streets peering into the gloom of lanes and doorways, listening eagerly
for any sound. He moaned to himself like some baffled prowling beast. He
wanted to sin with another of his kind, to force another being to sin with
him and to exult with her in sin. He felt some dark presence moving irresistibly
upon him from the darkness, a presence subtle and murmurous as a flood
filling him wholly with itself. Its murmur besieged his ears like the murmur
of some multitude in sleep; its subtle streams penetrated his being. His
hands clenched convulsively and his teeth set together as he suffered the
agony of its penetration. He stretched out his arms in the street to hold
fast the frail swooning form that eluded him and incited him: and the cry
that he had strangled for so long in his throat issued from his lips. It
broke from him like a wail of despair from a hell of sufferers and died
in a wail of furious entreaty, a cry for an iniquitous abandonment, a cry
which was but the echo of an obscene scrawl which he had read on the oozing
wall of a urinal.
He had wandered into a maze of narrow and dirty
streets. From the foul laneways he heard bursts of hoarse riot and wrangling
and the drawling of drunken singers. He walked onward, dismayed, wondering
whether he had strayed into the quarter of the Jews. Women and girls dressed
in long vivid gowns traversed the street from house to house. They were
leisurely and perfumed. A trembling seized him and his eyes grew dim. The
yellow gas-flames arose before his troubled vision against the vapoury
sky, burning as if before an altar. Before the doors and in the lighted
halls groups were gathered arrayed as for some rite. He was in another
world: he had awakened from a slumber of centuries.
He stood still in the middle of the roadway,
his heart clamouring against his bosom in a tumult. A young woman dressed
in a long pink gown laid her hand on his arm to detain him and gazed into
his face. She said gaily:
Her room was warm and lightsome. A huge doll
sat with her legs apart in the copious easy-chair beside the bed. He tried
to bid his tongue speak that he might seem at ease, watching her as she
undid her gown, noting the proud conscious movements of her perfumed head.
As he stood silent in the middle of the room
she came over to him and embraced him gaily and gravely. Her round arms
held him firmly to her and he, seeing her face lifted to him in serious
calm and feeling the warm calm rise and fall of her breast, all but burst
into hysterical weeping. Tears of joy and relief shone in his delighted
eyes and his lips parted though they would not speak.
She passed her tinkling hand through his hair,
calling him a little rascal.
His lips would not bend to kiss her. He wanted
to be held firmly in her arms, to be caressed slowly, slowly, slowly. In
her arms he felt that he had suddenly become strong and fearless and sure
of himself. But his lips would not bend to kiss her.
With a sudden movement she bowed his head and
joined her lips to his and he read the meaning of her movements in her
frank uplifted eyes. It was too much for him. He closed his eyes, surrendering
himself to her, body and mind, conscious of nothing in the world but the
dark pressure of her softly parting lips. They pressed upon his brain as
upon his lips as though they were the vehicle of a vague speech; and between
them he felt an unknown and timid pressure, darker than the swoon of sin,
softer than sound or odour.
Roderick Kickham
John Lawton
Anthony MacSwiney
Simon Moonan
As Tyson was riding into Jerusalem
He fell and hurt his Alec Kafoozelum.`'Tis youth and folly
Makes young men marry,
So here, my love, I'll
No longer stay.
What can't be cured, sure,
Must be injured, sure,
So I'll go to
Amerikay.
My love she's bony:
She's like good whisky
When it is new;
But when 'tis old
And growing cold
It fades and dies like
The mountain dew.'Art thou pale for weariness
Of climbing heaven and gazing on the earth,
Wandering companionless